I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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