i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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