I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
