Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
