I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
