I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
