FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
