watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
