Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
