I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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