Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
