I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
