my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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