you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to make out with him forever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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