I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
