You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
