just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
