Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
