all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
