Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
