It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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