when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
