Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize