Don't you send me to vm
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
