Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
