thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
