I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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