I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
how drunk are you?
Several
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
