sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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