too bad you live with your parents still
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
