Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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