all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
