I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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