You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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