Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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