Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
