Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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