I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
