you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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