i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
