Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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