Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
