was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
