she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
did you just send me my own nude
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
