the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
