So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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