His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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