i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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