had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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