I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
