My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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