Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
