This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
