I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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