i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
