sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
