Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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