Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
