and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
