my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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