well you can't waste a boner
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
