If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
