i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
