How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
