You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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