Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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