theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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