Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
